Category Archives: gay

Raising UP J.H.’s Growth and Patience Narrative

Posted by mwsmovement on

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Story#13

J.H. is a 31 year old, Hmong American and identifies as a gay male residing in California.

I believe I was in the 5th grade when I knew that I was not like my other males friends. It was my first time watching the movie Pretty Woman and I just thought that Richard Gere was the hottest guy that I had ever seen. I don’t remember feeling abnormal because I had older sisters and I just thought that it was normal.

I came out because I felt that it was part of growing up and accepting yourself, but I’m not out to my parents. I just can’t find the right time and the right words in Hmong to tell them. I also remember that when I came out in the 90’s, I felt like I was the only one. I was the only Hmong person at every gay event that I went to. It wasn’t until the early to the mid 2000s when I started seeing and meeting other gay Hmong folks.

Unfortunately, I haven’t heard of any Hmong LGBTQ stories but I do know that in my family there are men and women who lived their whole life as a single individual until they day they died. I think there isn’t much support in the Hmong community because being gay is “new” and  I strongly believe there is a lack of the Hmong community support.

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If you’re compel by J.H.’s story, we invite you (if you identify as Hmong LGBTQQI) to contribute your narrative to our collection and documenation by taking this 5 minute survey: http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Raising UP LP’s Anew Beginning to Truthful & Honest Expressions Narrative.

Posted by mwsmovement on
Photo Credit The Voices Project

Kim Ho – Language of Love. Photo Credit The Voices Project

Story #9

LP is a 24 year-old gay man from Alaska. (LP is not the real name of the person of this story)

I am a late bloomer. I was 18 when I became aware that I was attracted to men. This instance occurred when I had met someone at my workplace, and I knew it was lust at first sight. At that moment, I felt as if the world had stop. Every time I am near or working beside him, I feel as if a sharp knife continually pierces through my heart. I became aware of everything about him, my face, his body, everything. I wanted to touch him, to kiss his lips, to feel his big bugle. I wanted him more than anything. Whenever we talk about girls, I became so arouse thinking of him giving it to me or me giving it to him. It was truly lust. That was my first instance of my own sexual desires and my own consciousness about who I was.

Like most Hmong family, I am very family orientated. My parents and my siblings are my life. If I was to come out, I feel I might lose my entire family or be kicked out of my house. Friends and family members who were on the outside are also my backbone. They have shaped me to become the person that I am today. If I were to reveal that part of me to them, I might lose everything that I had built with them.

Photo Credit: MWSMovement.com

I do not know if the Hmong community is supportive of me cause I have not had the chance to engage with the Hmong LGBTQQI community, nor had the chance to come out to them. I think most Hmong LGBTQQI are still silent or have to be silent because of the importance of “family values” in their lives. That is, most of the Hmong youth and those who are part of the older generations that I know are very family-orientated. That means that they are willing to give up their individuality for the betterment of the “family.” As long as “family values” remains unchangeable, and as long as that remains the barrier to coming out, then Hmong LGBTQQI will continue to live in silence. Personally for me, the main issue I face is that there isn’t a Hmong LGBTQQI community where I live. Thus, I do not have any opportunities to know and see any Hmong LGBTQQI faces. And again, the idea of “family value” continues to be a barrier for me because I am the oldest in my family and there are things that are expected of me which does not include coming out or being gay.

There are 3 reasons why I came out. First, I knew that I could not keep my sexuality as a secret for the rest of my life. I did not want to live in loneliness like how I used to be. I had always felt alone for most of my life and if I do not let myself be happy and loved for who I am, I might not want to be alive for much longer. Second, I knew that it would all be okay when I do come out. I am very fortunate and thankful to have a loving and supportive network of outside friends and family that were accepting of me. Last, I want to love and be loved by someone.

It has been 4 years since I first came out and many things did change. No one knew that I was gay because I am not stereo-typically gay, such as being flamboyant. Therefore it came as a shock to many people. It did take some time, but everyone eventually understood why I am the way I am. Like a puzzle, they put everything I had said and done together, and it made sense to them about who I am. I felt that a big burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I could begin to express my feelings more truthfully and honestly. In return, my spirit became lighter and happier. I care less about what other think or say about me because I already came out to the people whom I care and hold dearest to my heart already.

Bangkok Love Story. Photo Credit: http://formanz.com/

It was hard to come out because of the risks that I knew were coming and because of bonds I have made with my family and friends, but it took me a long time to realize that it is those bonds I had that gave me the courage to believe it would be okay and that things can get better. Although I am not out to everyone, I am out to certain people who matter to me and who made me feel safe to be who I am.

If you’re compel by LP’s story, we invite you (if you identify as Hmong LGBTQQI) to contribute your narrative to our collection and documenation by taking this 5 minute survey: http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Raising UP Calyvn’s Breaking Down the Walls of Disguise Narrative

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Calvyn Moua

Story #7

Calvyn Moua is a 26 year-old man living in Minnesota. He identifies himself as Gay and a Christian.

I knew that I liked the same sex ever since I could remember.  If I had to put an age to it, I would probably say about six or seven. I just felt good or extremely happy when looking at other boys or males. Some kind of chemistry just hit me right when seeing a cute boy.

My mother told me a true story of someone she knew from Laos back in the days. She knew a girl in her village who liked girls and grew up marrying one. She acted like one of the boys ever since she was born. She would go hunting and fishing, as well as cut wood. Whatever job a man did, she would do, sometimes doing it better. She married her partner for about five years and then passed away when she drowned in the river while fishing. This time period was around 1960’s.

I believe that one of the most important thing that Hmong community has done to support LGBTQQI are the leaders standing up and fighting for issues that are important to our community. For example, (former Mn Senator) Mee Moua has voiced her support of the Hmong LGBTQQI community. I believe Hmong society in general still needs a lot more information on this subject because many of the older generation still see same-sex relationships as confusing or alien. I am not sure how homosexuality fits in the Hmong culture, but it should exist and fit in any culture.

Former Mn Senator Mee Moua

The most important issue I am facing today is the misunderstanding of being gay. Many arguments about my sexuality among certain “friends” has made me very upset because I didn’t know that people can be so stubborn and naive. Again, the world, and not just the Hmong community, need more information and testimonies to show others that we are normal too.

I came out because it didn’t feel good to be hiding behind a wall that I wanted to break down. When that wall came down, it seemed like my world was so much brighter and healthier. I did not want to hide my true identity from my love ones because that hinders me from being one hundred percent (of who I am). I feel that my friends and family deserves the best from me. By coming out, I felt more comfortable around everyone. It was hard at first for my mother especially but she has come to respect and support me 100%. Nowadays, she even talks to my boyfriend who lives in Laos via skype. She is very happy for me. I love you MOM.

Calyvn Moua on top of the world now.

I just wished that I would have came out sooner, even though at that time it would have been harder, but at least I would have been happier. Nonetheless, I am out and never felt better. I would like to say I am out to everyone, but unfortunately I am not. I am proud to say I am out to all my friends and my intermediate family.

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Raising UP Tou Fong Lee’s Self-Love & Acceptance Narrative

Posted by mwsmovement on

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Story #4

Tou Fong Lee is a gay 19 year-old Hmong American man living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

The very first time I noticed a same sex attraction was probably back in 5th grade. I saw a pretty cute looking fifth grader who was also a boy.  Of course I did not know what these feelings were at that time, but I did not feel shameful or guilty about having them. Back in 5th grade, life was basically about recess and getting to the lunch line first. It was not until my middle school years that I really started to think about these feelings and emotions that I had towards people of the same sex.

I first officially came out in his Sophomore year of High School.  I decided to take this course of action because I was tired of pretending to be someone else, and I just wanted to be myself!  I was tired of describing a person that I liked with the pronouns She/Her/Hers and wanted to reflect those with the correct terms of He/Him/His, because they were correct with what I was attracted to.  I was only out at school from my Sophomore to Senior Year of High School and on my day of Graduation, I came out to my family and more specifically to my parents.  My mother and I were very close, and I remember sitting down at the table getting ready to come out to her and feeling so scared out of my mind and unsure of her reactions that I bawled my eyes out.  The following two months after I had came out of the closet to my parents, it was very awkward.  Nothing felt comfortable, nothing felt right, and nothing felt close like how it did before.  I felt so isolated and felt like I was a big disappointment because I felt as if I had let my parents down.  I do not think that they have or will ever accept me as myself, but our relationship is slowly getting back to normal, in a sense.  I think it is important to carry out life normally after leaving the closet.  I am still the same person that I was before coming out to everyone. All I can do is continue to be that normal boy.  That’s all I can ask for myself.

One thing that I learned that was important from my personal experience is that before coming out, one has to be ready. By that I mean ready to love yourself, accept, and be proud of who you are.  In my opinion, the whole coming out process is almost a spiritual and life changing step but only if you are truly ready. Coming into terms that you are LGBTQ identified means loving yourself for who you are, and no longer hiding anymore.

For the most part, I am out to everyone. There are still groups of people who I feel do not need to know my sexual orientation or that I have the need to disclose it to them. I feel that at this stage in my life, having experienced many forms of “coming out”, I have no obligation to come out to anyone else now besides the people that I love and who love me in return.  Back in high school when I first came out, I felt the need to tell everyone that I was gay and that I needed all of their acceptance. At a point in my life I started to realize that I did not need to come out to everyone and that it was still okay. I am not, in any way, hiding my sexual orientation or who I am, but more so choosing who to share and open myself up to.  Lastly I think it is obvious that I am an openly gay Hmong American man.

I personally have not heard and do not know of any stories about our Hmong LGBTQ. However, I work as the Executive Assistant at the LGBT Resource Center at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee and have started our campus’ first Queer People of Color organization.  I am hoping to bring a sector of Shades of Yellow to our campus.

From my own impression, the Hmong Community is supportive of the LGBTQ community, at least to a certain extent. I feel that the younger generation are more accepting than their parents, grandparents, and the elder folks. I still feel very discriminated against at social events and gatherings. Oftentimes, I just want to belong and talk to someone who I can relate to. LGBTQ Hmong people have always existed in our history.  The only difference was that no one has ever had the chance or support to stand up and make their voice heard until we arrived in the United States of America. I respect the elders in our culture who continues to hang onto traditional roles and expectations.  However, time changes everything, and we too should move forward or we will fall behind. LGBTQ Hmong people are no different than heterosexual Hmong allies.

Some issues that I face today come more from the Hmong culture than the cultures that I seek elsewhere. I identify as a gay Hmong man who face these issues and these struggles within my own culture and race. I feel that our culture is not comfortable and educated on LGBTQ people. When we are faced with change, we struggle to move forward to a mutual understanding. Our entire culture, traditional gender roles, sacred roles such as marriage and funeral ceremonies, do not include or pertain to LGBTQ people. With my own impressions, two husbands or two wives have “no place” in the traditional marriage or funeral ceremonies. That is what makes it hard for LGBTQ Hmong folks who still want to hold onto their roots. Our traditional rules and laws are being “challenged” and forced to face a change that I feel is needed and should be implemented.

Please share your story by clicking on the link below:

http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.