Raising UP Calyvn’s Breaking Down the Walls of Disguise Narrative

Calvyn Moua

Story #7

Calvyn Moua is a 26 year-old man living in Minnesota. He identifies himself as Gay and a Christian.

I knew that I liked the same sex ever since I could remember.  If I had to put an age to it, I would probably say about six or seven. I just felt good or extremely happy when looking at other boys or males. Some kind of chemistry just hit me right when seeing a cute boy.

My mother told me a true story of someone she knew from Laos back in the days. She knew a girl in her village who liked girls and grew up marrying one. She acted like one of the boys ever since she was born. She would go hunting and fishing, as well as cut wood. Whatever job a man did, she would do, sometimes doing it better. She married her partner for about five years and then passed away when she drowned in the river while fishing. This time period was around 1960’s.

I believe that one of the most important thing that Hmong community has done to support LGBTQQI are the leaders standing up and fighting for issues that are important to our community. For example, (former Mn Senator) Mee Moua has voiced her support of the Hmong LGBTQQI community. I believe Hmong society in general still needs a lot more information on this subject because many of the older generation still see same-sex relationships as confusing or alien. I am not sure how homosexuality fits in the Hmong culture, but it should exist and fit in any culture.

Former Mn Senator Mee Moua

The most important issue I am facing today is the misunderstanding of being gay. Many arguments about my sexuality among certain “friends” has made me very upset because I didn’t know that people can be so stubborn and naive. Again, the world, and not just the Hmong community, need more information and testimonies to show others that we are normal too.

I came out because it didn’t feel good to be hiding behind a wall that I wanted to break down. When that wall came down, it seemed like my world was so much brighter and healthier. I did not want to hide my true identity from my love ones because that hinders me from being one hundred percent (of who I am). I feel that my friends and family deserves the best from me. By coming out, I felt more comfortable around everyone. It was hard at first for my mother especially but she has come to respect and support me 100%. Nowadays, she even talks to my boyfriend who lives in Laos via skype. She is very happy for me. I love you MOM.

Calyvn Moua on top of the world now.

I just wished that I would have came out sooner, even though at that time it would have been harder, but at least I would have been happier. Nonetheless, I am out and never felt better. I would like to say I am out to everyone, but unfortunately I am not. I am proud to say I am out to all my friends and my intermediate family.

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Raising UP the Hmong American Bisexual Narrative

A Miao woman in China.
Photo by: Pius Lee http://www.dailytravelphotos.com/archive/2009/03/24/index.php

Story #3

Emo Miao Girl is a 19 year-old bisexual Hmong American woman from California.

In the year 2009, I was a sophomore in high school and I had a friend who claimed that she was “bisexual.” At that time, she was my friend. Of course I shared with her my problems and my curiosity of liking girls. So knowing she was bisexual, I looked up to her for advice here and there just like anybody would. At the end of the year, she moved and we became very distant, however, I eventually found out she was fake the whole time! I also learned that she claimed herself as bisexual simply for others’ attention! Anyway, my bicuriosity kept thriving into the rest of high school.

That was when I had my first and last girlfriend. I was not sure of what I was doing or wanted. I was confused at that time about my sexuality. So I gave it a try and from there I liked the feeling of being nourished by a woman. I knew that it is a woman whom I would share the most common interests with, not to mention the same sensuality with our bodies too. My attitude at that time was that only another woman could understand and love me the way I wanted to be loved. It was a great feeling that I felt, just like how any other couple would have felt.

Coming out as bisexual was difficult because of the fact that I am Hmong. I did not want to make my parents look bad and ruin their “reputation.” I was also afraid that my friends would not like me anymore if they knew about my sexuality. However, after a few months of feeling this way, I no longer cared. I showed off my pride with different colors and began hanging out with a different group of people. I began telling friends about my sexuality even if they did not ask me about it. I wanted to just shut them up so that they would not be so curious anymore.

A scene from the film Miao Miao. Photo credit from: http://www.withanaccent.com/2013/05/08/netflix-instant-files-miao-miao/

A scene from the film Miao Miao.
Photo credit from: http://www.withanaccent.com/2013/05/08/netflix-instant-files-miao-miao/

Facing my parents was the hardest experience for me. I was worried about how my own Hmong people would view me. I could already imagine what my parents will say or do to me if they knew. There seems to be so many things that they dislike in our generation. It seems as if they were born to hate things. They are upset when a daughter dyes her hair, cuts it, goes out, stays up late, or have a friend or boyfriend over. This seemed all too typical of Hmong parents. I am not saying all parents are like this, but I know so many Hmong parent who are like this. I knew the answer all along if I were to come out to my parents. The Hmong community is just too strict, conservative, traditional, and uptight about family reputations. I do not think I will live to see the day where people like us will be accepted by all of society, including the elders in Hmong society. Aside from my parents, even some of my own friends began to keep their distance from me because they thought I was going to hit on them. How sad is that? Soon, I noticed that many people were keeping their distance from me even though I was just a stranger to them.

I have not heard about any Hmong queers growing up. However, my curiosity began to peak and I began to Google about Hmong queers and Hmong LGBTQ to see if there was anything out there. Sadly, the first story that I stumbled upon was about the couple that had committed suicide many years ago. It makes me extremely sad when I read tragic stories like this.

No Apologies Quote credit by: https://www.facebook.com/AwesomeBiQuotes

No Apologies
Quote credit by: https://www.facebook.com/AwesomeBiQuotes

Now, I am out to everyone. I do not care what people think or say about me anymore. It is my life and I want to be myself. I myself am open and supportive of everyone. I do not judge others. We all have a reason why we are the way we are. We are all human beings. We all struggle in life and share problems within society. I would not want to see someone I care for suffer alone.

The main reasons why I came out as bisexual was because I came to a point in my life where I did not care anymore (about what people thought about my sexuality). It has been 4 years since I first was aware of my sexuality. In my experience, most men are asses! Yet, I dated the wrong girls as well! One mistake of my life was dating a girl who was a player. Right now, I am happily in a relationship with a man, my high school sweetie. He understands the struggles that I face. He is a supporter of the LGBT community. Even as an LGBTQ person, dating has been difficult. I just want everyone to be careful with who you fall in love with. However, stay true to who you are. Everyone will dislike you if they know you are fake, and that might include yourself, who is being fake to your own self.

Please share your story by clicking on the link below:

http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.