Raising UP MYY’s Family Is the Biggest Inspiration & Support to Coming OUT Narrative

Posted by mwsmovement on August 25, 2013

http://www.salon.com/2005/06/17/saving_face/

Saving Face film. Photo Credit Salon.com

Story #10

MYY is a shamanist, 21 year-old woman who identifies as bisexual from Wisconsin.

The first time I notice that I was attracted to the same-sex was when I was 12 years old. I could not understand why I was feeling that way about this new girl I just met. All I knew was that I was very attracted to her and I wanted to know if she had felt the same about me. When I confronted her with my feelings, she nicely rejected and explained to me that she did not feel the same way as me. After that happened, I tucked away how I felt about girls and started dating boys. At the time, I was confused as to why I had felt that way, but I didn’t look too much into it.

Hmong Trans* & Queers Rally at St. Paul Capitol for LGBTQ Justice & Equity – Photo Credit MWSMovement.com

I’m very close to my family, so I turned to them hoping they could help me. I did not know what to expect from them because this whole thing happened so quick. Surprisingly, they were very understanding and supportive. They told me that they will always accept me for who I am, so I should accept me for who I am as well. From there, I started dating my first ex-girlfriend. My family was such a big inspiration because they were there every step of the way while I was trying to figure myself out and come out to my other love ones. It’s been four years now that I’m out and none of my relationships has changed at all. Everything is going well for me right now.

I don’t feel as if the Hmong Community is supportive of me but I don’t blame them. This is a very touchy and new subject in our Hmong community. I think with a little courage and a lot of education, we can fix that problem. I didn’t even know that we have Hmong LGBTQ organizations out there. I recently found out about an organization from Minnesota called Shades of Yellow. The Asian organization from my university invited SOY to our speak out during Asian Heritage Month back in April, and I was so moved and inspired during their presentation. I think LGBTQ does fit in our Hmong Culture but it’s going to take a lot of time before it fully fits in. I feel that we should speak out more about it and educated those who know little about the LGBTQ community. I believe that in 10-15 years from now, LGBTQ will be accepted and become a part of our Hmong Culture.

Hmong queers Vote NO on Marriage Amendment 2012 – Photo Credit MWSM

One of the issues I’m facing today is deciding on which path I want to take on for the future. I’m the next one in line to get married in my family, and I’m also the only one who is not heterosexual. My family accepts me for who I am but what I always question myself if I want to marry a man or a woman, if I want a Hmong wedding, and how do I want to start my family. Yes, I understand that you can get all those regardless of your sexuality but I see the kind of a family my siblings have and that’s what I want as well. I think the Hmong LGBTQQI community is being impacted by our old traditions.

The reason I’m only out to certain people is because people are so quick to judge. All the amazing people who truly love and care for know about my sexuality, and they’re very supportive. It’s the new people that I meet that makes me iffy about if I want to share that kind of personal information with them. They don’t know me enough to understand where I’m coming from, which I don’t blame them. Plus, I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable around me.

If you’re compel by MYY’s story, we invite you (if you identify as Hmong LGBTQQI) to contribute your narrative to our collection and documenation by taking this 5 minute survey: http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Raising UP LP’s Anew Beginning to Truthful & Honest Expressions Narrative.

Posted by mwsmovement on August 18, 2013

Kim Ho – Language of Love. Photo Credit The Voices Project

Story #9

LP is a 24 year-old gay man from Alaska. (LP is not the real name of the person of this story)

I am a late bloomer. I was 18 when I became aware that I was attracted to men. This instance occurred when I had met someone at my workplace, and I knew it was lust at first sight. At that moment, I felt as if the world had stop. Every time I am near or working beside him, I feel as if a sharp knife continually pierces through my heart. I became aware of everything about him, my face, his body, everything. I wanted to touch him, to kiss his lips, to feel his big bugle. I wanted him more than anything. Whenever we talk about girls, I became so arouse thinking of him giving it to me or me giving it to him. It was truly lust. That was my first instance of my own sexual desires and my own consciousness about who I was.

Like most Hmong family, I am very family orientated. My parents and my siblings are my life. If I was to come out, I feel I might lose my entire family or be kicked out of my house. Friends and family members who were on the outside are also my backbone. They have shaped me to become the person that I am today. If I were to reveal that part of me to them, I might lose everything that I had built with them.

I do not know if the Hmong community is supportive of me cause I have not had the chance to engage with the Hmong LGBTQQI community, nor had the chance to come out to them. I think most Hmong LGBTQQI are still silent or have to be silent because of the importance of “family values” in their lives. That is, most of the Hmong youth and those who are part of the older generations that I know are very family-orientated. That means that they are willing to give up their individuality for the betterment of the “family.” As long as “family values” remains unchangeable, and as long as that remains the barrier to coming out, then Hmong LGBTQQI will continue to live in silence. Personally for me, the main issue I face is that there isn’t a Hmong LGBTQQI community where I live. Thus, I do not have any opportunities to know and see any Hmong LGBTQQI faces. And again, the idea of “family value” continues to be a barrier for me because I am the oldest in my family and there are things that are expected of me which does not include coming out or being gay.

There are 3 reasons why I came out. First, I knew that I could not keep my sexuality as a secret for the rest of my life. I did not want to live in loneliness like how I used to be. I had always felt alone for most of my life and if I do not let myself be happy and loved for who I am, I might not want to be alive for much longer. Second, I knew that it would all be okay when I do come out. I am very fortunate and thankful to have a loving and supportive network of outside friends and family that were accepting of me. Last, I want to love and be loved by someone.

It has been 4 years since I first came out and many things did change. No one knew that I was gay because I am not stereo-typically gay, such as being flamboyant. Therefore it came as a shock to many people. It did take some time, but everyone eventually understood why I am the way I am. Like a puzzle, they put everything I had said and done together, and it made sense to them about who I am. I felt that a big burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I could begin to express my feelings more truthfully and honestly. In return, my spirit became lighter and happier. I care less about what other think or say about me because I already came out to the people whom I care and hold dearest to my heart already.

It was hard to come out because of the risks that I knew were coming and because of bonds I have made with my family and friends, but it took me a long time to realize that it is those bonds I had that gave me the courage to believe it would be okay and that things can get better. Although I am not out to everyone, I am out to certain people who matter to me and who made me feel safe to be who I am.

If you’re compel by LP’s story, we invite you (if you identify as Hmong LGBTQQI) to contribute your narrative to our collection and documenation by taking this 5 minute survey: http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

Raising UP Xiong’s Out of the Box Narrative!

Posted by mwsmovement on August 10, 2013

Story #8

Xiong Yang is a 27 year-old shamanist, transman from Minnesota.

I was in kindergarten when I had my first crush. I think I started school a few days after it had already begun. I really liked a girl who had befriended me on the first day of class. I remember thinking to myself that it wasn’t normal. I knew I had to hide my feelings. In grade school, I used to write on the bathroom mirror that “I loved” so-and-so. One time, my brother saw it, because I forgot to erase it, and I freaked out and denied it. Another time in 4th grade, my best friend at the time, confronted me (in a friendly but frank way), are you a lesbian? Of course, I denied it. I had no connections to that term. And when I came out to one of my male friends in 6th grade, that I had a crush on the same girl he had a crush on (I was a tomboy at the time), I could tell he was uncomfortable with it. He kind of laughed it off. I transitioned when I was 13, at the end of 8th grade. In the summer before 8th grade, my mom finally allowed me to chop off my long, wavy hair. It was during the year of 8th grade that I became friends with my current partner. We started dating at the end of 8th grade. We just celebrated our 13th anniversary this summer.

Photo credit by Trans Student Equality Resources – http://transstudent.org/gender101

I think the relationships that had the highest impact on my identity the most were my family members. It was difficult for my mom to adjust to my new and different identity, and for her to recognize my partner. It was even more challenging for my brothers and their wives to get used to my new preferred gender pronouns. I was persistent with communicating with them how I felt, which my communication skills got better as time went on. And the more they saw how I was leading a productive life, the more they realized I was becoming who I wanted to be. I think the times have changed a lot since I was a teenager. A lot of people are exposed to non-traditional ways of gender performance and sexual orientations. I think people aren’t as shocked as they used to be. I don’t think there’s complete acceptance yet. Acceptance is really on an individual basis, depending if people have friends or know someone who is a non-heterosexual, and/or non-cisgender person. There’s still a lot of stereotypes out there about Hmong folks who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or queer. The Hmong American society and the American society at large are not ready to move past those stereotypes. (The racial stereotypes are still a work-in-progress.)

Mainstream culture and the traditional Hmong culture still see things in black and white or binary. With that thinking, there’s no room for people who don’t fit neatly into those binary systems. I think the only way to really make this be a change is to be the doer. I live my life not as a man or a Hmong or a son or a husband. I live my life as me, and people find labels that they think best fits who I am. I feel people do that in order to find a commonality or something that they can relate to, which is quite innocent and unintentional.

My mom once told me a story of a distant aunt. She never married. When her parents died, she stayed living on her own. I believe she’s still alive today and is living somewhere in Laos or Thailand. I can’t say if this distant aunt is a closeted same-sex lover or asexual or anything else. But this story always stuck with me. And this story came out when I asked my mom if she knew of any queer folks back in Laos.

Marriage equality for couples who want to get married traditionally is still a big issue, even with the passing of the same-sex marriage bill in Minnesota. There’s a lot of politics involved in Hmong heterosexual marriages already. I don’t know how things like the bride price could be dealt with for a same-sex marriage. What about the spirits? Also, when one partner dies, who’s responsible for the last rites? I hope a more knowledgeable person of Shamanism and Hmong culture can figure this out.

Because I can “pass” as a man, I don’t find myself having to “come out” or “reveal” myself to people about my gender identity or sexual orientation. I like to get to know people on a nonsexual orientation and non-gender basis. In fact, I’ve made that my personal mission: talk one-on-one with elder Hmong people. Sooner or later, they find out that I’m different. I think I’ve been able to sway a few Hmong elders my way or at least get them thinking outside of the box. I want people to know me for me. I don’t want them to have false misconceptions about me just based on what they associate with a certain word. If people could get to know a person and not judge them based on the label that can be associated with that person, I believe that would be a good start to the world becoming a better place.

If you’re compel by Xiong’s story, we invite you (if you identify as Hmong LGBTQQI) to contribute your narrative to our collection and documenation by taking this 5 minute survey: http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

Being Gay and Queer in the Laotian Community

Posted by mwsmovement on August 9, 2013

Check out our MWSM collective member Danny and his published piece on Little Laos on the Prairie: Being Gay and Queer in the Laotian Community

“One of the biggest thing that sets me apart from most Laotians is that I’m gay. I’m one of the few out gay Laotians in Minnesota and I don’t want it to be that way. There have been questions and curiosity if there are LGBTQ Laotians out there, and I am here to say, “Yes there are LGBTQ Laotians in the community, and yes we do exist.” We are more prevalent than the community thinks about, or are informed about internally and externally of the Laotian community.”

If Danny’s story compels you, please support his leadership and activism through donating $20, $30 or $50 to our Trans* and Queer Southeast Asian Organizer retreat Aug 17 and 18, 2013. Your donation will enable Danny, and Trans* and Queer Southeast Asian activists, organizers, and scholars in understanding the importance of social justice work, activism, and service learning in their community.

Click here to donate: Trans* and Queer Southeast Asian Organizers Retreat Fundraiser

Raising UP Calyvn’s Breaking Down the Walls of Disguise Narrative

Posted by mwsmovement on August 2, 2013

Story #7

Calvyn Moua is a 26 year-old man living in Minnesota. He identifies himself as Gay and a Christian.

I knew that I liked the same sex ever since I could remember. If I had to put an age to it, I would probably say about six or seven. I just felt good or extremely happy when looking at other boys or males. Some kind of chemistry just hit me right when seeing a cute boy.

My mother told me a true story of someone she knew from Laos back in the days. She knew a girl in her village who liked girls and grew up marrying one. She acted like one of the boys ever since she was born. She would go hunting and fishing, as well as cut wood. Whatever job a man did, she would do, sometimes doing it better. She married her partner for about five years and then passed away when she drowned in the river while fishing. This time period was around 1960’s.

I believe that one of the most important thing that Hmong community has done to support LGBTQQI are the leaders standing up and fighting for issues that are important to our community. For example, (former Mn Senator) Mee Moua has voiced her support of the Hmong LGBTQQI community. I believe Hmong society in general still needs a lot more information on this subject because many of the older generation still see same-sex relationships as confusing or alien. I am not sure how homosexuality fits in the Hmong culture, but it should exist and fit in any culture.

The most important issue I am facing today is the misunderstanding of being gay. Many arguments about my sexuality among certain “friends” has made me very upset because I didn’t know that people can be so stubborn and naive. Again, the world, and not just the Hmong community, need more information and testimonies to show others that we are normal too.

I came out because it didn’t feel good to be hiding behind a wall that I wanted to break down. When that wall came down, it seemed like my world was so much brighter and healthier. I did not want to hide my true identity from my love ones because that hinders me from being one hundred percent (of who I am). I feel that my friends and family deserves the best from me. By coming out, I felt more comfortable around everyone. It was hard at first for my mother especially but she has come to respect and support me 100%. Nowadays, she even talks to my boyfriend who lives in Laos via skype. She is very happy for me. I love you MOM.

I just wished that I would have came out sooner, even though at that time it would have been harder, but at least I would have been happier. Nonetheless, I am out and never felt better. I would like to say I am out to everyone, but unfortunately I am not. I am proud to say I am out to all my friends and my intermediate family.

Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Pride Canvassing & Trans*/Dyke March at Twin Cities Pride, 2013

Posted by mwsmovement on July 11, 2013

What an exciting summer this has been! This 2013, MWSM decided to take a different route at Twin Cities Pride (TC Pride). We recruited a team of 10 volunteers to go out and canvass the various non-profits and churches that were present and outreaching about their mission and services. For some of our volunteers, this was their first time at Pride, and canvassing so we made sure to pair them up with someone with canvassing experience. We wanted to find out from the many organizations and churches to identify what services and programs they provided, so we know where to connect our community members to , and possibly collaborate in the near future. The whole team had long and great conversations about the services, leadership dynamics, goal measurements, how does intersectional justice look like in their work, and how do they address institutional racism, white privilege and supremacy. We talked to about 15 organizations and churches, and will be talking to more in the next month to then produce a data report Fall 2014. We will keep you updated!

Meet the team that canvassed!

After a morning’s hard work of canvassing at TC Pride, MWSM joined and marched in solidarity with the Trans*/Dyke March.

HAPPY PRIDE!

Raising UP the Hmong American Bisexual Narrative

Posted by mwsmovement on July 6, 2013

A Miao woman in China.
Photo by: Pius Lee http://www.dailytravelphotos.com/archive/2009/03/24/index.php

Story #3

Emo Miao Girl is a 19 year-old bisexual Hmong American woman from California.

In the year 2009, I was a sophomore in high school and I had a friend who claimed that she was “bisexual.” At that time, she was my friend. Of course I shared with her my problems and my curiosity of liking girls. So knowing she was bisexual, I looked up to her for advice here and there just like anybody would. At the end of the year, she moved and we became very distant, however, I eventually found out she was fake the whole time! I also learned that she claimed herself as bisexual simply for others’ attention! Anyway, my bicuriosity kept thriving into the rest of high school.

That was when I had my first and last girlfriend. I was not sure of what I was doing or wanted. I was confused at that time about my sexuality. So I gave it a try and from there I liked the feeling of being nourished by a woman. I knew that it is a woman whom I would share the most common interests with, not to mention the same sensuality with our bodies too. My attitude at that time was that only another woman could understand and love me the way I wanted to be loved. It was a great feeling that I felt, just like how any other couple would have felt.

Coming out as bisexual was difficult because of the fact that I am Hmong. I did not want to make my parents look bad and ruin their “reputation.” I was also afraid that my friends would not like me anymore if they knew about my sexuality. However, after a few months of feeling this way, I no longer cared. I showed off my pride with different colors and began hanging out with a different group of people. I began telling friends about my sexuality even if they did not ask me about it. I wanted to just shut them up so that they would not be so curious anymore.

A scene from the film Miao Miao.
Photo credit from: http://www.withanaccent.com/2013/05/08/netflix-instant-files-miao-miao/

Facing my parents was the hardest experience for me. I was worried about how my own Hmong people would view me. I could already imagine what my parents will say or do to me if they knew. There seems to be so many things that they dislike in our generation. It seems as if they were born to hate things. They are upset when a daughter dyes her hair, cuts it, goes out, stays up late, or have a friend or boyfriend over. This seemed all too typical of Hmong parents. I am not saying all parents are like this, but I know so many Hmong parent who are like this. I knew the answer all along if I were to come out to my parents. The Hmong community is just too strict, conservative, traditional, and uptight about family reputations. I do not think I will live to see the day where people like us will be accepted by all of society, including the elders in Hmong society. Aside from my parents, even some of my own friends began to keep their distance from me because they thought I was going to hit on them. How sad is that? Soon, I noticed that many people were keeping their distance from me even though I was just a stranger to them.

I have not heard about any Hmong queers growing up. However, my curiosity began to peak and I began to Google about Hmong queers and Hmong LGBTQ to see if there was anything out there. Sadly, the first story that I stumbled upon was about the couple that had committed suicide many years ago. It makes me extremely sad when I read tragic stories like this.

No Apologies
Quote credit by: https://www.facebook.com/AwesomeBiQuotes

Now, I am out to everyone. I do not care what people think or say about me anymore. It is my life and I want to be myself. I myself am open and supportive of everyone. I do not judge others. We all have a reason why we are the way we are. We are all human beings. We all struggle in life and share problems within society. I would not want to see someone I care for suffer alone.

The main reasons why I came out as bisexual was because I came to a point in my life where I did not care anymore (about what people thought about my sexuality). It has been 4 years since I first was aware of my sexuality. In my experience, most men are asses! Yet, I dated the wrong girls as well! One mistake of my life was dating a girl who was a player. Right now, I am happily in a relationship with a man, my high school sweetie. He understands the struggles that I face. He is a supporter of the LGBT community. Even as an LGBTQ person, dating has been difficult. I just want everyone to be careful with who you fall in love with. However, stay true to who you are. Everyone will dislike you if they know you are fake, and that might include yourself, who is being fake to your own self.

Please share your story by clicking on the link below:

http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

Raising UP the Coming OUT Process that Takes Time & Courage.

Posted by mwsmovement on June 29, 2013

Story #2

The first time I ever noticed I had strong attractions or at least a feeling that I liked boys was when I began wanting to play more and more with my best friend who was a boy. I would say we were around six years old at the time. I thought it was normal because I thought it was just an extension of our friendship. I was taught that boy should only befriend and play with other boys, so the feelings that I felt and the interactions that occurred between us always felt right, never wrong.

The Hmong Community, I think for the most part is split in between the middle about my sexuality, and LGBTQ. Traditional family and community members still shun the idea of a same-sex couple being together. On the other hand, the other half, non-traditional is very supportive because they either know of LGBTQ folks and/or are very accepting and supportive. Regardless of this, I think we still continue to exist in the shadows of our culture. We are seldom talked about and rarely thought of. The older Hmong LGBTQ generations have had their own battles that are on a whole different level in which we as the younger generation of queer Hmong Americans cannot experience. We exist in the eyes of the larger Hmong community because they have seen us, yet we are swept under the rug to in order to perpetuate the idea that Hmong LGBTQ people do not exist and that it is only white people who are LGBTQ. Thus, this makes others think that being gay is a “white” or “western disease.” However, we do exist and are making our voices heard everyday in order to gain visibility and to educate our community. I have heard of past Hmong LGBTQ stories from friends who work closely with these older generations. I have also personally met a person who is of the older Hmong LGBTQ generation. However, one of the biggest issues that I face as a Hmong LGBTQ is that I cannot openly express my love towards my partner in public without receiving stares. To other people, it is something of another world, but to us, our values with love and relationship are if not similar, like heterosexual couples.

My coming out story was a two-year production. I first came out to myself and accepted who I was. I had doubts in my mind. I wanted to be “normal,” but in the end, my first experience at love gave me the strength to follow my heart. I slowly came out to my close friends one by one. As I came out to my friends and family, all of them accepted my sexual orientation and loved me even more. I chose not to tell some friends and family because I knew how they would react based on what kind of person they are. However, many of them slowly found out anyways and were overall, accepting of me. Coming out to my family was an accident, but it was a good accident. My parents were the last to know on my list of coming out to. They were not very supportive of the idea at first but half a year later down the road, they were at my college graduation and still supported me in ways of gifting me with a new car. Although my current partner is still referred to as my “friend,” it is still a far better progress than I ever thought it would have become in such a short time span. I think that when you first realize and accept yourself as being LGBTQ, and gain more confidence. You become a person with an open mind that can articulate your experiences that help shape people’s minds and heart towards acceptance. I know that if I did not take time to explore and embrace my sexuality as a gay Hmong man, I would not understand who I am, and not come out. I would have lived an unhappy life, hiding and fearing about my sexuality. I would still be facing the world with doubts. It’s a process when you come out, and a process that takes time and courage to understand.

HAPPY PRIDE! Celebrate with us by filling out the 3 minute survey here to share your story:

http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

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Category Archives: equity

Raising UP the Hmong American Bisexual Narrative

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