Tag Archives: hmong LGBTQIA

Raising UP Xyooj Xub’s Struggle for Love and Acceptance Narrative

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Story#16

Xyooj Xub is an 18 year old, Hmong American and identifies as a Gay/Queer male residing in Minnesota.

Ever since I could remember (I’m guessing the earliest age being 4, and self-identifying as a boy for the most part of my life) I’ve always felt a romantic pull to other boys and men. I found boys and men attractive and often wished I could’ve expressed that; however, even at that age, I recognized that it was dangerous to say such things. I quickly learned from one incident in which I told my cousins and siblings I thought one boy was cute, that ridicule would soon follow.

I came out to select individuals when I was 16 and 17 because I felt I was hiding a part of who I am, and that didn’t feel good. I came out to my friends, sister, and twin brother and I found that they were okay with who I am. However, for various reasons that aren’t exclusive to sexuality, I’ve dropped or drawn back from many of my relationships with these people. My immediate family, a select few of cousins, and most friends, are aware of my sexuality. The thing I’ve realized is that I don’t need to constantly assert what my sexuality is to everyone. It’s simply who I am and it’s my business, no one else’s to be concerned with. Other reasons why I choose to only reveal my sexuality to certain people are my concerns of safety, comfort, and fear of discrimination.

I don’t speak openly with my family about my life. I deal with depression that partially stems from my dysphoria about my sexuality, thoughts on gender, disconnection from my Hmong culture, and more. I don’t have much support from Hmong folks in general, and I find that on top of dealing with a variety of forms of oppression (racism, heterosexism, classism, etc.) from mainstream America, I must also do so within my own community. It puts that much more strain on my mind. Somedays, it becomes too much and I break a bit.

From personal tales of others, I’ve heard of queer Hmong youth being thrown out of their homes, disowned by their families, rejected by peers, or were told not to reveal their sexual identity to others in the family and community. In the worst case scenario, death occurs. The most prominent story I can recall was reading about the young lesbian couple, Pa Nhia Xiong (17 y/o) and Yee Yang (21 y/o), who committed suicide together in their despair of knowing their love would not be accepted by their families or community. A link to their story can be found here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/asianamericanartistry/message/763.

I don’t feel supported in general by the Hmong community. There aren’t even words in our language to describe our existence and I know well enough to say that I and other queer Hmong folks of this time can’t have been the first to have felt these ways. I feel I’m on the margins of margins with the identities that I identify with. I feel that, with not many resources or guidance available, many queer Hmong folks here in the U.S. get swept into the mainstream LGBTQ scenes, which itself has so many issues (white-focused, racist, misogynist, transmisogynist, classist, fat-shaming, body-shaming, etc.). I had to figure a lot of things out for myself and put forth a lot of effort to find resources that would help me better understand what healthy acceptance/love of myself and others meant. I wish this struggle didn’t have to exist for so many folks already struggling and I wish there were more available resources to prepare queer Hmong folks for a number of things in life.

If you’re compel by Xyooj Xub’s story, we invite you (if you identify as Hmong LGBTQQI) to contribute your narrative to our collection and documenation by taking this 5 minute survey: http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Raising UP Sooya’s Family, Gender & Role Model Narrative

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Story#15

Sooya Xiong is a 23 year old, Bisexual female, Shamanist residing in Wisconsin.

I was 12 years old when I knew that I was attracted to both genders. Was I confused? I sure was! My heart would start racing whenever I am around the “girl” with words that I can’t even describe. As for the “boy” it was more flirtation. It has been 10 years since I came out to my parents. The reason why I came out? Well, duh, I am positively sure that I liked both genders; that I was “gay.” I was in a “dark” phase at that time as a youth, and it was time to make a change. I wanted to be able to express myself and be accepted. I needed the family support, especially from my parents.

How did my parents take it? Of course they laugh at me because they thought that I was joking. The word “gay” has been use so much in the family to make fun of someone. It wasn’t until I kept bringing the subject up to my father to this day that he finally understands what it means. He knows I am “bi-sexual” and he supports me (however, we all know parents lecture you and hope that you will end up with the opposite sex).

SX2However it wasn’t until 2008 that I fully revealed myself physically to the entire family and extended families. After my high school graduation on that following Monday my sister shaved my head in our home in Chicago. My mother and siblings were also in the room. It sure did make me feel good because of the support I had. But then I was scared of my father’s reaction that he’ll flip out. He saw my baldness when he came home to Milwaukee the next day, but didn’t say anything. He just laughed. Now that’s a good sign. How did it make me feel? I felt relieved and happy! But then I was told to wear a wig whenever I attend “Hmong events” (which I completely understand why). My extended families and everyone else knew about my sexuality, but it was never really addressed or acknowledge. Some words were said to describe and address me here and there, such as “tomboy,” “hey, new boy,” “son” etc. The gender roles did not change, everyone still sees me as a Hmong woman encompassing the same respect, duties, chores, et.

Some of the issues that I am facing today is how can I as a person who identities both as Hmong LGBTQ and Hmong woman help the Hmong youth who are coming out. I believe I can be a support for other Hmong LGBTQ by providing a safe place for them, helping them deal with family issues, and creating a support system.

If you’re compel by Sooya’s story, we invite you (if you identify as Hmong LGBTQQI) to contribute your narrative to our collection and documenation by taking this 5 minute survey: http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Raising UP Pheng’s School Challenges and Discovery Narrative

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Story#14

Pheng is a  year old and identifies as a gay male residing in California.

I didn’t realize it until the end of my freshmen year in high school. I’ve always been attracted to men – both physically and emotionally. I guess I was just so used to ignoring my true feelings because of how I grew up.

Growing up I always was surrounded by girls, rarely guys. I just felt more comfortable around them than anyone else. I would do so much with my aunt and cousins (all female) whether it be playing house, playing with their barbies or stuffed animals, and even watching movies of Barbie, princesses, mermaids, you name it.

My memories bring me back to always not fitting in with the guys while playing sports; they played too harsh for me and used too much profanity for my taste. So instead I played tetherball with the majority of the girls; I was the best of course. But every time I did try to play with the boys, now that I think back, I was just being taken advantage of. I wasn’t there to play, I was there to be used, to catch the ball and hand it over to one of the “better” guys. Absolutely ridiculous. Playing tetherball with the girls though, that was a joy. I was always so competitive, so passionate about my doings when around them; I was comfortable. I just didn’t fit in with the guys, they did things out of my interest; video games being one of them. When I try to hang out with them, it just didn’t seem right. It was awkward, and let me mention, boring. But having hung out with my female cousins so often, I grew to have a feminine personality, and I’m admitting it now. My gestures, the way I talk, and the way I walk; it was something else. And for that, I was bullied and tormented my whole childhood.

Growing up I was a careless child, or so I thought. When being called names and such, I recall ignoring them, yes, but at the same time – I was dying inside. I hated myself and how and who I was as a person. None of my girl friends at school seemed to notice anything of course, but the guys did. We’re talking elementary school here, I was so young. At my elementary school, there was a certain group of boys in my grade and the next; they were my bullies. I remember being called gay, gayass, f***** fag, loser; you get the point. Like I said, I ignored the majority of it; after all, I’ve been doing it since forever.

One time at one of our annual school carnivals, one of those boys called me a “fag” and pushed me on the ground, scraping my knee. It was bleeding and I didn’t know what to do but kneel on the ground huddling my bleeding knee. I remember my sister Yer being there too, coming out of the crowd and shoving him while screaming something like “What the f***, why’d you push my brother?,” as he walked away chuckling. I still need to thank her for that. I think I was bullied so much throughout my elementary years; I didn’t even care much anymore.

Another situation I recall is having been dared to touch a girl’s butt to prove to a student of my grade that I wasn’t gay. Of course, I attempted it but I didn’t end up doing it. At the end because of talkers a couple students and I got escorted to the principal’s office. I did my part of the explanation, and didn’t get in any trouble. I guess my good grades and relation to my principal saved me from trouble. He knew me, I was everywhere. I was probably the biggest troublemaker at the school; but I had good grades and supporting teachers so I never really got in major trouble.

The last of my drama in elementary school would have to be when I got 3 of the 6th graders (I was in 5th) in trouble, possibly suspended (I don’t recall), for calling me gay. I was switched seats, and sat by friendlier people. I think I made such a big deal of being called “gay” that our principal addressed the situation at an assembly. Now that I think about it, I feel pretty darn special for him to have made a statement protecting my rights (not directly, but I got the feeling).

As far as my childhood in elementary, family wise, I would have to say it was just as bad; but different. I took it more personal, because it was my family, cousins, that kept bugging me and calling me names. It was usually my cousins that were teens and in their twenties. I was always questioned about who I hang out with, the way I talk and walk the way I do, basically everything. Like I said, I’ve been trying to ignore negative comments so much I got used to it; therefore sometimes I just zoned people out. Maybe it was because I was mad? Disappointed in myself? I know I just didn’t ignore their comments, because if I did, I wouldn’t be writing this. I wouldn’t recall those hurtful remarks that scarred me as a child. All the things I chose to ignore, today, is everything about me.

Some of the things an older cousin of mine have said to me when I was a kid, I still stuck to me till this day. I do so because it’s one of the reasons why I am able to reflect and admit to myself that through out my childhood to my freshmen year in high school, I was running away from this big truth to my life. I hear his exact voice saying this every time I think about it, “Pheng, if you ever turn gay, I’m going to kick your ass.” Me, feeling like a glass that just hit concrete; shattered. A little was the content, more it was because he was one of the very few of my cousins that I truly look up to. Since then, I grew to be more afraid of what others thought of me.

Growing up and going to middle school I told myself that I was straight. Even bisexual was out of the question. I looked at girls only. I had a couple girlfriends, which definitely made my parents happy; and me, temporarily. But I can’t help but think back on checking out all the guys at school. I could remember more cute guys than I could remember the girls. Boys in the locker room, them playing ball in the gym, everything about guys excited me. Teacher, substitutes, my fellow classmates, the list goes on and on of my attraction towards them but of course too scared and ignorant to admit it to myself; so I continued thinking the way I did about “being gay”, that it was a bad thing.

Then I hit high school, which would be about 2 years ago. I still considered myself straight. Through middle school and most of my freshmen year when I was asked if I was gay or even bisexual, I made sure I immediately reply, “no” or “of course not”. That seemed to help suppress my feelings towards men. Not until I found online resources, press about gay equality; it was then that I had to at least think about it. Events that really impacted my thoughts of life and people in general was some of the educational conferences I applied for and got into at colleges in California. Pursuit of Higher Education (POHE) and ShadowNite at UC Berkeley were the most life-changing experiences I’ve ever had. There was such a diverse group of students there, everybody fitting in regardless of race, personal differences, or sex orientations. I then was not only motivated to pursue high education; but to pursue myself. Reach the heart of my soul, hug it, comfort it, and tell myself that I’ll be okay to be what I want to be. I thought a lot about it, and couldn’t deny the truth. At the end of freshmen year I progressed to thinking I was bisexual.

Sophomore year is when I came to the realization and understanding of my true self, I am simply gay. I could tell you that I am so much of a happier person now that I am able to express myself in the ways I want to. I don’t have to say things that’ll hide my identity. I don’t have to deny the fact that I truly am indeed attracted to my same sex. I don’t have to deny me. I am truly happy, I am satisfied, actually grateful, of the person I’ve become.

Now here’s what everyone’s been waiting to read — my coming out story. I actually just came out to my dad, him being the last one to know in my intermediate family, about a month ago. It was harsh, as for things happened very oddly. My close friends and siblings in my household knew about me being gay and they were supportive; which I’m thankful for. But let’s start with coming out to my mom, who is a very nice lady. I would always tease about having to tell her something. One night, she came and laid next to me on my bed. She asked in Hmong, “What do you need to tell me?” I said like I usually do, “nothing Mom, I’m just messing with you.” And eventually after constant questioning and assumptions, I told her. Her reaction took me by surprise. She stopped talking, stared at me, and I saw the rage build up in her little by little. Looking at me straight in the eyes she exploded with questions like, “who told you that?”, “who’d you hear that from?”, and ended off with saying “I don’t want to hear those words from your mouth again.” I was devastated. Out of all the people in the world, I would at least expect her to understand and accept me for who I am. She was my mom. I was disappointed and felt uneasy. For the next couple of days I randomly feared that she may do something to me, just because she and people of my religion were so against it. After all, I am the first Lor in my family to be gay. But of course I was just thinking way too much. My mom later then tried to convince the rest of my siblings to persuade me to change who I am, they simply shut her down. They supported me and argued against my mom. My mom is now slowly, but progressively, coming to an understanding of who I am and that it wasn’t easy for me, all that I went through to be who I am today.

The story to my dad finding out about me, is an interesting and emotional one. My relatives from another state started talking about me I guess. Started spreading rumors, messing with my step mom, my dad, and my older sisters’ head. They were so confused and shocked about what they were hearing; that I was gay. My dad called me out of my room, to sit next to him and discuss my situation with him as a few of my family members were present to support me. He asked if I was going to confirm that the rumor is true, or deny it. I tried my best to slowly let him know that it wasn’t just a rumor. I could of lied to him to make things a lot easier, but I honestly couldn’t; and at the end I admitted it to him. He was speechless. He lectured me, as he started choking in tears. I did the same as I just shut up and listened. Tears after tears, I grew a little stronger. I started reasoning with him, as he kept on repeatedly saying that I couldn’t fulfill my duties as being a person, being Hmong, if I was gay. He was furious, he didn’t want to hear a word from me, and nothing I said would change his mind. And I know him too well, I argued the least I could because I just know there was no point in arguing with my dad.

It’s been a month or so since I came out to everybody. I know my parents are disappointed in me, upset, a little of everything. But I can’t do anything other than hope and keep hoping for their understanding. It’s tough, it really is. Especially when you look at your parents and see disappointment in their eyes, no joyful facial expressions at all sometimes. But there’s something I know and they know, is that I’m not a half-bad son. My grades are good, I’m involved in school, I work and support myself, in what way have I not satisfied their wants and needs other than now? I have a strong feeling that one day it will all be better. That time will heal this brokenness between us all. My parents are unconditional lovers and I have no doubt they’ll still be there by my side at the end.

Being gay, it’s never easy to express your sex orientation. There are always different thoughts and opinions out there of LGBTQQI people like us. We’re still the same person as we were yesterday, maybe one or two things have changed, but does that make us a bad person? It doesn’t, not one bit. Yes, you’ve changed, but you changed for the better; for yourself. Resources and support is out there, in social media, community organizations, or even clubs at school. Be sure to surround yourself with them, it’ll do nothing but benefit you. I live in Fresno, CA, and the community is as supportive as can be. Although the Hmong community in particular may not be as open to it as I would like; I am here to make a change. Take a stand, represent us people of color, and make sure that future generations can feel as comfortable in their own shoes as can be.

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http://www.icatpic.com/

My advice to anybody and everybody out there is that it gets better, just be patient. Those struggles, those tears, those years and years of confusion and possibly even misery, that’s all hard work. To define who you are, to find yourself, and build yourself to be the strongest person you’ll ever know. That’s the challenge and at the end of the day; it’s just up to you to decide who you want to be tomorrow. Be patient, embrace the love and support around you. You’re living in a world of rainbows, just keep your head up and smile, embrace your true colors.

If you’re compel by Pheng’s story, we invite you (if you identify as Hmong LGBTQQI) to contribute your narrative to our collection and documenation by taking this 5 minute survey: http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Raising UP J.H.’s Growth and Patience Narrative

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Story#13

J.H. is a 31 year old, Hmong American and identifies as a gay male residing in California.

I believe I was in the 5th grade when I knew that I was not like my other males friends. It was my first time watching the movie Pretty Woman and I just thought that Richard Gere was the hottest guy that I had ever seen. I don’t remember feeling abnormal because I had older sisters and I just thought that it was normal.

I came out because I felt that it was part of growing up and accepting yourself, but I’m not out to my parents. I just can’t find the right time and the right words in Hmong to tell them. I also remember that when I came out in the 90’s, I felt like I was the only one. I was the only Hmong person at every gay event that I went to. It wasn’t until the early to the mid 2000s when I started seeing and meeting other gay Hmong folks.

Unfortunately, I haven’t heard of any Hmong LGBTQ stories but I do know that in my family there are men and women who lived their whole life as a single individual until they day they died. I think there isn’t much support in the Hmong community because being gay is “new” and  I strongly believe there is a lack of the Hmong community support.

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If you’re compel by J.H.’s story, we invite you (if you identify as Hmong LGBTQQI) to contribute your narrative to our collection and documenation by taking this 5 minute survey: http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Raising UP Yermay’s Family Acceptance & Recognition Narrative

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Sept 099Story #12

Yermay Yang is a 33 year-old Hmong Queer Christian from Wisconsin.

 I first noticed that I was attracted to the same sex when I was in college. I realized that I was okay with liking beautiful women and that other people were not like me. When I finally understood what it meant to be a queer person, I felt liberated. My whole life made more sense.

 I wanted to come out so that I can live my life and not have this burden of hiding who I am. It was hard to have a relationship with my mother when I was still in the closet. When I finally told her, it felt like I could start to have a relationship with her again. Coming out was hard on me and my family. I am sure it was hard for my siblings as well because they also had to “come out” about having a queer sister. My father did not speak to me for a year. Through it all, I know my parents love me regardless and always welcome me into their home.

I am out to my family and close friends. My parents were the main people I officially needed to come out to and then they told others in my extended family. My life is not all about being queer so I only tell people I feel like it is needed.

 I do not feel that the Hmong community as a whole is supportive of LGBTQQI people. People still measure things in heteronormative terms. Sometimes queer people do not know how they can fit in within the larger Hmong community, so it makes it even harder for non-queer people to see how we as queer people can fit in. This is perhaps the reason why I have not heard of any past history or stories of Hmong LGBTQQI people.

 Finding acceptance and a place within the Hmong community is still an ongoing issue that Hmong queers face today. Sometimes being queer can take over a person. That is, they will only be known as that “gay person.” People start assuming things about what they are like and what they do. Because of this distorted view on what it means to be a LGBTQQI person within the Hmong community, Hmong queers find it even more difficult to live their lives.

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If you’re compel by Yermay’s story, we invite you (if you identify as Hmong LGBTQQI) to contribute your narrative to our collection and documenation by taking this 5 minute survey: http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Raising UP Fue Chue’s Hardest Part In Coming OUT to His Family Narrative

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Story #5

Fue Chue Vue is a 22 year old male from Wisconsin. He identifies as Homo-flexible and follows the Hmong Shaman religion.

When I was little, I was always curious. I’d check out guys and girls, however, checking out girls got annoying because my older siblings would always say, “Damn! Check out that girl’s ass! Her boobs are so huge!” So in annoyance, I’ve come to understand my female friends better. I can recall them saying that any girl who is my girlfriend is lucky and why can’t guys be more like me. I thought it was funny that they say that. Throughout puberty and middle school, I noticed I started to check out guys even more. At this stage in my life, I began convincing myself that I was bisexual. I was always afraid to tell my friends. One day after school in my 8th grade year, my friend and I were walking down the hall and she was brave enough to tell me that she, herself, identifies as bisexual. I also told her then I was bisexual. That year in middle school, I had the biggest crush on this guy. I checked him out every time I saw him, I almost felt like a creep because I would pretend not to look at him in class, but would sneak a peek every now and then. (It’s not my fault the teacher assigned these seats!) But I was always afraid of my own sexuality because my family always made fun of those who are gay.

Coming out to my family was the hardest part I had to do. My siblings already knew that I was gay, but we just never really talked about it. However, to my surprise, they were all accepting of me coming out. I’ve always been the odd one in the family so it’s not like I can really hold a conversation with them all the time because they all have mutual interests in sports and cars, whereas I don’t. With my sisters, they all live out of town, but they all are very accepting of me, since I’m the youngest too. My relationship with my siblings changed for the better after coming out. It’s been 4 years since I told my siblings, and life is better. Even though I’m gay, I’m still the same brother that I’ve always been.

I first came out to my general group of friends my sophomore year in High School. I already knew that they knew that I’m gay, but I felt like I had to tell them myself in order to have an even stronger bond with them. They were all fine with it. I was still a little sketchy with my guy friends, because I didn’t know how they’d react to me being gay, being that I’m a male as well. I didn’t want them to be weird around me. So I was only out to my friends and not the whole school. It was a little stressful trying to hide my sexuality.

Coming out to my parents was very hard. I felt like I can never be their son unless I tell them that I am gay. I wanted to tell them that they have a gay son and I’m no different than any other parent’s children. But that one that night when I came out to them, they asked, “Are you doing drugs, because all gay people will end up doing drugs or already on drugs? You are going to jail because gay people are bad and jail is a place for them. No one loves you, not even your siblings, in fact they’ve come to us and told us to tell you to stop being gay. The reason why your mom is feeling sick is because you’re gay, and your presence is hurting her spirits. They’d rather have a son who steals and does drugs than a gay son.” It hurts me because my parents are so caring and respected by our cousins and friends, and they always tell me how sweet and nice my parents are. And to hear these words come out of their mouths really killed me on the inside. Something inside me died that night. That night, I almost committed suicide. I almost jumped off the bridge into the river, but at the last minute, I thought of my baby nieces and nephews. How much I mean to them, even at a young age. Then my friends came to my mind and lastly my family. I cried a lot that night and I really needed to cry it out because I’ve built up so much inside that I needed to let go. So even though my parents and I have our differences, I still love them. It’s been almost a year since I’ve told them. My dad, surprisingly, is more accepting of it than my mom. I recall him saying, “Let him do what he wants. Who cares? People are people.” Although she still tries to convince me to be straight, my mom is a little bit more accepting of it now. I found little steps at a time work.

I feel like the Hmong community is half supportive. A lot of the times Hmong people just ignore that I’m gay, or they just brush it off their shoulders. But many Hmong people are scared, especially the ones that hate Hmong LGBTQQI people. I believe it’s because they’re ignorant (not knowledgeable) and unaware of what I have to go through. Of course everyone knows that I’m gay, but have they ever considered how I feel when they make jokes about gay people? They don’t, and that’s something I am really against. They make it seem as if being gay is disgusting or uncomfortable. I feel that the LGBTQQI community fits on the bottom of our Hmong culture and community. I say this because when I came out to my parents, they basically said that being gay is worse than a son who is a drug addict or someone who steals. However, I always keep in mind that we are slowly making our way up and no matter how many times we are hit down, we will always fight for the rights that we have.

I have not read or found any source about Hmong LGBTQQI people before. I’ve had my own struggles and so I can relate to these people, but I don’t think I can apply them to myself. And I say that because our parents, friends, and peers, are not the same people. Everyone has their own reaction. So reading about it, sure it’ll make me more knowledgeable and understand what they went through, but when I think going through it myself, no matter how hard it is, is the best way to learn.

I think meeting new people, whether they are your friend’s friends or family, or just being in different places is one of the hardest things to face because we don’t know how people will react.

Same goes for telling your uncles, aunts, and grandparent. Because they are from an older generation, it’s harder for them to accept it. Of course they know what gay is and what gay people like, but will they accept it? I don’t think so. A lot of times, people have told me that their elders accept LGBTQQI people, only if it is not their own blood. It’s sad, but it’s the truth. But I’m always going to stay true to myself, no matter how hard things get.

I keep in mind to never give up. I’ve given up so many times before and I’ve been so close to death, but being gay should not be a reason to kill your own self. It sucks being feared and looked down upon, but at least at the end of the day, you know that you are true to yourself. Instead of looking to please others, live your own life. Impressing them does nothing. It just makes them see you as weak and vulnerable. So with my final words, I wish you all the best in life and remember you are not alone, we will help each other.

Please share your story by clicking on the link below:

http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Raising UP Tou Fong Lee’s Self-Love & Acceptance Narrative

Posted by mwsmovement on

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Story #4

Tou Fong Lee is a gay 19 year-old Hmong American man living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

The very first time I noticed a same sex attraction was probably back in 5th grade. I saw a pretty cute looking fifth grader who was also a boy.  Of course I did not know what these feelings were at that time, but I did not feel shameful or guilty about having them. Back in 5th grade, life was basically about recess and getting to the lunch line first. It was not until my middle school years that I really started to think about these feelings and emotions that I had towards people of the same sex.

I first officially came out in his Sophomore year of High School.  I decided to take this course of action because I was tired of pretending to be someone else, and I just wanted to be myself!  I was tired of describing a person that I liked with the pronouns She/Her/Hers and wanted to reflect those with the correct terms of He/Him/His, because they were correct with what I was attracted to.  I was only out at school from my Sophomore to Senior Year of High School and on my day of Graduation, I came out to my family and more specifically to my parents.  My mother and I were very close, and I remember sitting down at the table getting ready to come out to her and feeling so scared out of my mind and unsure of her reactions that I bawled my eyes out.  The following two months after I had came out of the closet to my parents, it was very awkward.  Nothing felt comfortable, nothing felt right, and nothing felt close like how it did before.  I felt so isolated and felt like I was a big disappointment because I felt as if I had let my parents down.  I do not think that they have or will ever accept me as myself, but our relationship is slowly getting back to normal, in a sense.  I think it is important to carry out life normally after leaving the closet.  I am still the same person that I was before coming out to everyone. All I can do is continue to be that normal boy.  That’s all I can ask for myself.

One thing that I learned that was important from my personal experience is that before coming out, one has to be ready. By that I mean ready to love yourself, accept, and be proud of who you are.  In my opinion, the whole coming out process is almost a spiritual and life changing step but only if you are truly ready. Coming into terms that you are LGBTQ identified means loving yourself for who you are, and no longer hiding anymore.

For the most part, I am out to everyone. There are still groups of people who I feel do not need to know my sexual orientation or that I have the need to disclose it to them. I feel that at this stage in my life, having experienced many forms of “coming out”, I have no obligation to come out to anyone else now besides the people that I love and who love me in return.  Back in high school when I first came out, I felt the need to tell everyone that I was gay and that I needed all of their acceptance. At a point in my life I started to realize that I did not need to come out to everyone and that it was still okay. I am not, in any way, hiding my sexual orientation or who I am, but more so choosing who to share and open myself up to.  Lastly I think it is obvious that I am an openly gay Hmong American man.

I personally have not heard and do not know of any stories about our Hmong LGBTQ. However, I work as the Executive Assistant at the LGBT Resource Center at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee and have started our campus’ first Queer People of Color organization.  I am hoping to bring a sector of Shades of Yellow to our campus.

From my own impression, the Hmong Community is supportive of the LGBTQ community, at least to a certain extent. I feel that the younger generation are more accepting than their parents, grandparents, and the elder folks. I still feel very discriminated against at social events and gatherings. Oftentimes, I just want to belong and talk to someone who I can relate to. LGBTQ Hmong people have always existed in our history.  The only difference was that no one has ever had the chance or support to stand up and make their voice heard until we arrived in the United States of America. I respect the elders in our culture who continues to hang onto traditional roles and expectations.  However, time changes everything, and we too should move forward or we will fall behind. LGBTQ Hmong people are no different than heterosexual Hmong allies.

Some issues that I face today come more from the Hmong culture than the cultures that I seek elsewhere. I identify as a gay Hmong man who face these issues and these struggles within my own culture and race. I feel that our culture is not comfortable and educated on LGBTQ people. When we are faced with change, we struggle to move forward to a mutual understanding. Our entire culture, traditional gender roles, sacred roles such as marriage and funeral ceremonies, do not include or pertain to LGBTQ people. With my own impressions, two husbands or two wives have “no place” in the traditional marriage or funeral ceremonies. That is what makes it hard for LGBTQ Hmong folks who still want to hold onto their roots. Our traditional rules and laws are being “challenged” and forced to face a change that I feel is needed and should be implemented.

Please share your story by clicking on the link below:

http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

©Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement, 2011 – 2013. All rights reserved. Unauthorized distribution with the intent to sell, use and/or duplication of these images, audio, video, stories, blog posts, and materials on this blog without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Excerpts and links as stated by MidWest Solidarity Movement members may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Linda Her and MidWest Solidarity Movement with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Come Celebrate MINNEAPOLIS PRIDE with Us!

Posted by mwsmovement on

 

HAPPY PRIDE WEEK! Come Celebrate Minneapolis Pride with us and meet other Hmong LGBTQ people! We have awesome activities that you can have FUN and learn at the same time:

  1. History of PRIDE through multiple communities and their stories.
  2. What is PRIDE beyond the glitz and glam?
  3. Where do you, we belong in the history of PRIDE? Mapping and documenting our stories into Pride History.
  4. Learn & research about LGBTQA organizations in your area that provide services you need.
  5. March with us at the Trans and Dyke March!
  6. Soulfriday Dance Party.

*If you haven’t filled the Raising UP the Hmong LGBTQQI Narrative Survey, please do so here: http://tinyurl.com/HmongLGBTQQIStories

For more information about celebrating Minneapolis Pride with us, please contact us at: linda@mwsmovement.com or txoov@mwsmovement.com. Thank you!